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Natharai's Journal - Entry #24: Regrets

((Cross-posted from http://wyrmrestaccord.net/content/natharais-journal-entry-24-regrets-pg-13-language))


[[This entry is actually not a proper entry at all, but written on a sheet of looseleaf found in a drawer of an Ironforge inn. The script is sloppy and rather seething in nature.]]

 

I had to get away.

I couldn't stay home knowing the shit that I do and I sure as hell couldn't look at that fucking dog in the face anymore.

So I left. Left and went to Stormwind, originally, but too many things reminded me of him there so now here I am.

 

 

Fuck me, I can barely see straight but I have to get this shit OUt on paper so I can think straight again.

 

Was I wrong about him all this time? Is there really no saving him from this? Have I just been wasting all my damned time trying to hide and house something that was beyond help? I am really starting to think so. All I have done for him has been a lightdamned folly!

I should have listened to Miles. He was right about him after all. That is what hurts the most. He was right, but I, playing the ever dutiful and  blind lover, defended Arenvald from him.

 

But he was right. And I am a fool.

I don't k

I don't know how he could do it. I found twelve skeletons at the bottom of that fucking river, all from him. He thought he could hide them from me. For all I know, he could have eaten more than what I have found. Fang-shattered bones, trenches carved by pointed teeth, cracked skulls... The goddamned monster FEASTED ON THEM and I don't know how he could do what he does with me. How.

How.

How could he claim to love me, and lay with me, after devouring so many people? How. It's sick and I'm sick by proxy for letting it happen. Damn me. It's like screwing the cow before butchering it for dinner. And now I can't help but wonder if he ever had the desire to turn his fangs on me.

And it hurts. It hurts to doubt him and it hurts to think that I have put all this time, all this energy, into caring for something that can never be the way he was again.

I should have left back then.

I should have not let myself become attached to him. I knew that this was coming, but I didn't let myself believe it.

 

This was all just a waste of my damned time and now I don't know what to do.

 

What should I do...?! What?

Kill him? End his life before he loses himself to his hunger again and goes after more? Run? Run from him? From everything?

 

What do I do?

 

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